Nobody wishes to break the vows of “I DO” years after marriage but the disturbing truth lately is that breaking the vows are becoming easier than taking them. We have witness spouses who we never thought will ever get a divorce go through the process. As a matter of fact, divorce is becoming incredibly high in the society recently and most of the time leaving innocent children to be the victims.
Breaking the vows of “I DO” after marriage is never an easy thing, especially if children are involved. Divorce has made it to novels, songs and even movies showing how it can impact one’s life.
Many slipped couples will tell you it was the best decision they took, but the truth remains children are always at risk in such situations. It can lead to children’s grades to drop at school, affects their social lives and even make some to be violent.
*Abdullah* is a 29-year-old entrepreneur and to him living half of his life with divorced parents is the most challenging thing he had to deal with.
“My parents got divorced when I was 13. I and my younger ones moved in with my mum. I am not being ungrateful to my mum, but the truth remains at certain points I felt I needed both of my parents in the same home growing up.
As the oldest child, I had to be strong to look out for my younger ones. So, I never allowed the divorce effects manifest in me openly”.
“My childhood was quite dysfunctional. Up to my second grade I was living with my parents then they had a divorce. After that I moved in with my mum and later my uncle and later with my mum again” said Munas Jeng a Gambian feminist and writer.
DEALING WITH DIVORCE AS A PARENT
When there are no chances of resolving the problem with your spouse divorce will be the only option left on the table. But how do you cope with it. Being unable to deal with it positively with not only hurt your children but it will also hurt you as a person emotionally and physically.
TAKE A BREAK
No matter how strong you are if you are going through divorce, the truth remains you will feel down. You may not be able to be productive as usual been it at work or so. So, take a break, take time to heal and things shall be fine.
TALK TO SOMEONE
It’s said a problem shared is half solved. So, talk to someone you trust been it a family member or a friend. Divorce is hard true! But at a point you will be able to talk about it without crying and then you will know you are healing.
In addition, professional counseling is very vital. Talking to an expert will help you go through the process smoothly. It also give the entire family a safe environment to talk about divorce as a whole.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Stop blaming yourself for the divorce, take care of yourself very well; emotionally and physically. Eat and exercise well. Don’t use drugs or alcohol these will just worsen your situation.
AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH YOUR FORMER SPOUSE
After you have gone through divorce, avoid anything related to arguing with your former spouse. If a discussion is turning to a fight, suggest talking later about it.
TALK TO YOUR KIDS BUT DON’T INVOLVE THEM IN THE CONFLICT
It is always wise to talk to your children but never involve them in the conflict especially if they are still young.
LIFE WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL
Normal might not be what you have hoped for, but life will be back to normal again. Step by step you will find your spark again, step by step you will live again because divorce is not a dead sentence.
In as much as it hurt, living in a marriage that is violent or love and happiness is no longer serve hurts more.